Beauty and The Beast

“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.”

― Marilyn Monroe

In today’s world of peer pressure and hyper-messaging from television commercials, magazines and music videos, self-criticism and an obsessive concern with one’s outward appearance are becoming epidemic among young girls. The Canadian Women’s Health Network reports that 90% of women are dissatisfied with their appearance in some way and that 49% of girls ages 8-10 and 59% of girls ages 11-12 are concerned about being fat or overweight! In 2003, Teen magazine reported that 35 per cent of girls 6 to 12 years old have been on at least one diet, and that 50 to 70 per cent of normal weight girls believe they are overweight. Young girls are continually being exposed to images of women that represent an unnatural standard of beauty that is airbrushed and altered to perfection. By the time a girl reaches 17 years old, she will have received over 250,000 commercial messages through the media, playing heavily on her sense of self-esteem. How do we cultivate self-confidence in girls with this “beast” of a movement that is slowly eroding their self-esteem and causing them to feel like they don’t measure up?

In a culture that esteems appearance over character and that makes girls feel that they aren’t good enough, pretty enough or rich enough, arming girls with a healthy dose of self-esteem is more important than ever before. Girls who have a strong sense of self are more likely to try new things and have confidence in their abilities. They are apt to risk making a mistake in order to learn and grow; they are comfortable with the way they look and know they are not perfect but like themselves anyways. Girls with high self-esteem have healthy friendships and expect their friends to treat them with respect. They like and know themselves and know that they are unique and special.

One conscious-raising campaign, Dove’s Campaign for Real Beauty, has made a significant impact on beauty stereotypes and offers women and girls an alternative definition of beauty that is confident, healthy and strong…strong enough to slay the vanity beast! In a two-hour workshop for girls and their female mentors the objective of the Dove Self-Esteem program is to get girls to open up about the way they feel about themselves, how they can take steps to see their beauty and to celebrate their own uniqueness. In a format that mixes group discussion, videos and activities, girls learn how to celebrate their own uniqueness. One exercise, called My Community Garden Activity, has the girls write about the special ingredients that make them beautiful from looking at what foods they like, to values they believe in to what countries they are from and languages they speak. Another activity called the Self-Esteem Bubble has girls draw a bubble and inside the bubble write down things that make them feel good about themselves from physical attributes to character traits, such as, “I like my blue eyes,” or “I am good at soccer,” or “My friends say I am a good listener.” On the outside of the bubble, girls are instructed to write down negative influences like teasing, name-calling, beauty pressures or peer pressure to be or do something they don’t want.  The idea is the more they put into the self-esteem bubble, the stronger it will be and easier it will be to keep out negative influences or anything else that makes them feel bad about themselves. 

In addition to addressing peer influences, the Dove Self-Esteem campaign shares media secrets and tricks that transform models into looking camera-perfect. Girls learn that most of the images they are seeing in the media are airbrushed and computer-enhanced and are truly not reflections of what real life people look like. In one video called “Evolution”, we see a young woman transformed for a make up commercial. Computer enhancement changes the shape of her face by elongating her neck, raising her eyebrows, erasing any blemishes and making her eyes bigger. Magically the computer creates a completely different person, the take-home message being that instead of trying to look like the models you see on TV and in magazines, who are not real anyways, be happy in your own skin and be happy being you!

In Ontario, schools and communities are discovering another confidence building program called Girls on the Run. Designed to build self-respect and healthy lifestyles in girls ages 8-13 years old, Girls on The Run combines training for a non-competitive 5km run with an interactive curriculum that addresses their physical, emotional, mental and social well-being. The 10 week program which runs from April to June arms girls with tools to manage life’s challenges, including gossip, bullying and establishing healthy friendships. A registered charity in Ontario, Girls on The Run inspires girls to be joyful, healthy and confident through a fun, experience-based curriculum, which creatively integrates running. This two-tiered program, one for girls in grades 3-5 called Girls on The Run and one for girls in grades 6-8 called Girls on The Track, addresses age-related issues unique to the struggles and challenges faced by girls at each of these life stages.

Rina DeDonato, Executive Director and CEO of Girls on The Run in Ontario, which has been in operation since 2004, shares why she feels the program is so successful. “Running on it’s own is extremely empowering; when combined with a curriculum that addresses key issues for young girls, you have a recipe for success,” says DeDonato. “There’s a lot to deal with in a short period of time for young girls, like peer influences and following pop stars and at their age there is so much messaging from shows, commercials and magazines. It is a pivotal age where girls are very influenced by the messaging around them,” says DeDonato. “Unfortunately, girls try to change who they are because the messaging is saying they don’t have the right clothes or they aren’t smart enough or pretty enough,” she says. “What we do is try to get them to connect with their internal beauty and be able to say ‘I am OK with who I am,’ and to stay true to themselves,” says DeDonato. Girls on the Run offers a spring program that runs from April to June and due to the high demand for programming on empowerment issues, DeDonato says they are launching a fall program this year and expanding the organization to two other provinces.

Despite the heavy influences that media messaging has on young girls, when asked who has had the most powerful influence on their self-esteem and ideas of beauty, Dove researchers discovered that girls don’t say sports figures or celebrities. The majority of girls world-wide say that their adult female mentors- mothers, grandmothers, sisters, aunts and teachers- have the biggest influence on their ideas of beauty. As a female role model, how can you encourage young girls and young women to cultivate a greater sense of self-esteem? At a time when our daughters are heavily influenced by messaging and peer influence, we need to remind them to connect with their internal beauty, to stay true to themselves and not to change to try to be something they are not. Helping them redefine beauty on their own terms is a great first step towards cultivating self-esteem. As mothers, aunts, grandmothers and teachers, we need to remind ourselves, too, that our own messaging is being heard loud and clear. Complaining that you hate your hair, or that you are too fat or that you need to go on a diet are all corrosive comments that are being internalized by our daughters. So, as female mentors, changing our own messaging will dramatically influence girls who are looking to us for cues on how to treat themselves!

York Region schools are also to be credited with teaching children the importance of positive character traits in relation to their peers and teachers. Educators are learning that school is a lot more than learning the A,B,C’s; it’s about learning to be fair, take initiative and show empathy among other things. Children in elementary school are learning and being recognized among their peers for showing respect, being courageous, and for being optimistic. Student recognition is shifting from focusing solely on grade performance to including character evaluations, resulting in more positive peer relations. In focusing on character, schools build awareness among children about the importance of relationships and being accepted among peers for having good character instead of being accepted for their looks or fashion sense.

Kate Richardson, Grade 6 teacher at Harry Bowes Public School in Stouffville, believes that the focus on character traits in the school environment helps kids identify what their gifting is and realize what their strengths are. “Why character traits are so important is because they focus on the internal person not the external person,” says Richardson. “It makes kids think about how their gifts and talents can be aligned with their school and how they can bring them together to make a difference in the world, “ she says. Richardson encourages her class to show respect for each other by using positive talk and by learning to work together. “Kids need to respect and care for one another. They don’t have to be best friends, but they have to care. This makes the classroom a positive place and positive experience,” says Richardson. It is also a great way to prepare children for the real world.

In supporting our young girls at an age when media messaging and peer issues are at their peak, as female role models and parents, we need open up dialogue about issues of self-esteem. We need to celebrate the internal person, for their gifts and talents and character in order to pave the road towards positive self-esteem. Help slay the media beast and peer pressures that espouse being accepted for what clothes you wear or how pretty or smart you are and in turn help girls redefine what beauty means to them!

To learn more about Girls on The Run in your community, or to become a coach to help inspire young girls, go to www.girlsontherun.ca to find a link to more details and to an application to bring the program to your school or community center. To learn more about the Dove Self-Esteem Campaign, visit www.dove.ca.